So this thing here then that they spend all day playing with when they think I’m sleeping is supposed to be something special, is it? I hear the word ‘mouse’ and my whiskers instantly start twitching but my nose tells me a different story. They don’t fool me. I’ve had a good look all around and sneezed for half an hour from the fluff behind the box thing, but there are definitely no mice hiding behind this glowing wall.
There’s a funny looking thing in front of it though which looks like it could be good for a game but there’s no real mileage in it for me. I have to do all the work while it just sits there saying ‘click’. Can’t say I’m impressed. Most of the time it just crouches, watching bubbles bounce around in front of it. Damn bubbles! I wouldn’t mind bumping off a few of those too but they hide behind another one of those walls, just like those twittering bird creatures.
Oh yes I’ve learnt the names all right. Couldn’t fail to, as I hear them all day: ‘Look at the bubbles, Mia.’ ‘Look at the birds, Mia.’ And I say ‘I’m looking! I’m looking, now open that damn wall-thing and let me get at ‘em!’
You’d think I could have trained them by now, but it’s not that easy. They're such slow learners. Still, I try not to complain too much. After all they’re pretty good at their other duties, like keeping me provided with supplies of fresh food and drink as well as tasty little treats, which almost make me forget about the mice and the birds. And they make sure I have plenty of warm, dry beds around so I can nap whenever and wherever I need.
Generally I find them respectful and willing to learn but they have one primitive habit I don’t think I'll ever manage to cure. I expect it has something to do with them being clockwork. They wind down at the same time every day and stop working for so long that I think their parts might seize up. Ridiculous! If they could learn to nap like me, they would function so much better. Instead it’s left to me to make sure they don’t unwind so far that they stop working altogether.
And it’s that time now. They’ve been wound down for hours. Time for me to stop tormenting this silly plastic lump they call a mouse and staring at myself in this boring wall. It’s time for me to do my bit and go and lure my best playmate out from its secret hiding place and raise hell on the stairs and passageways outside their doors until they start to take notice of me. Too much sleep is bad for the body. Frequent short naps – well spaced throughout the day – that’s the way to a happy, productive life. You’d think they’d have got the message by now. Slow learners!